This past week has been one of the hardest in a while. Started out with a good visit to the Lyme doc in the Bay Area, a trip that doubled as girl time with my daughters.
Came home and crashed hard. Stabbing pain in my neck and head was unbearable. Hands and feet were numb and my face felt like all the bones were crushed. My entire body was overwhelmed with pressure and I couldn’t stand up without feeling like I was gonna come crashing to the floor.
Nausea and vomiting made it impossible to drink even a sip of water – and therefore, no meds of any kind which means three things:
- Nothing to help ease the pain,
- Symptoms being combatted by certain meds started to return, and
- I began to detox from meds that require slower stopping.
Days went by and I started to become extremely depressed and near hopeless.
IF I hadn’t gotten sick, I could go to the park with my kids and dogs.
IF… I could make dinners for my family.
IF… I could plan family vacations and spend more time with friends and family.
IF… I could make it to church and bible study and maybe even start a small group.
IF… I could do laundry, clean house and get things organized.
IF… I would still be working and have something to keep my busy mind from having these crazy thoughts.
Last night I cried and cried over these IFs and was reminded that
BECAUSE I am sick, my family is closer.
BECAUSE… my marriage is stronger.
BECAUSE… my reliance on, and trust in, God is strengthened.
It’s ok to have a pity party, just don’t unpack and live there. How? By looking for the good – and there is always good.
My life is truly blessed. And my world, as chaotic and messy as it can be, is filled with joy and love. And that is all I really need.
Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.
Note: philippijoy comes from these verses which have reminded me continually to look for the good and to rejoice, even when the outlook is bleak.