Christmas

Christmas is my favorite time of year. I love the colors and lights and the feeling of magic and joy that come with beautiful decorations and music filling my home.  

It can also be a reminder of all the things I can’t do and all the ways I cant share those feelings with my family and friends. 

If I had my way, I would share the festivities with others by hosting parties and opening my door for a Christmas Eve celebration and / or dinner Christmas day.  I would take carriage rides and go to the snow for a day of sledding and snowball fights.  

For someone with a chronic illness, the magic is hard to hold on to.  Most days, getting out of bed is so hard I don’t have energy left to clean or shop.  Not to mention I am currently doing 2 IV meds twice a day – meds that make me feel so much pain that I usually cry during the treatments.

So on the days I have a little energy left in me, I focus on preparing for Christmas morning.  Because that’s my favorite thing about Christmas. 

I am always the first one awake Christmas Day and I very impatiently wait for everyone else to wake up (I may make a little extra noise as I make coffee and turn on water for tea and hot chocolate – clink, clank, bang a wake up!).  

There’s nothing in the world I love more than the smile on my families faces as they open their gifts and feel the love of “Santa”.  I think what I love most is when they open a small, insignificant gift that doesn’t have a cost value – because for them, it’s not about how much is spent, it’s about the fact that someone loves them enough to gift them a little something, or a little nothing.  Thats Christmas to me.  Love.  Family.  Friendship.  Smiles.  Hope.  Magic.

Remember I said magic is hard to hold on to?  Christmas morning in my home is so full of magic that no one can help but be completely filled by it.  

So if you see me out and about this time of year, know that I am pushing through pain and sickness to make Christmas morning magical.  For my family.  And selfishly, for me.  

PS:  Magic = Hope.  Hope for a cure for Lyme disease.  Hope for days without pain and sickness.  Hope for time spent with my husband, our kids and our grandkids.  That’s the magic.  

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Jeremiah 29:11

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